Gettin’ Lubed

Today I knew I had to get my car inspected, so I anxiously rolled into the nearest Jiffy Lube. I was anxious because last year I failed the inspection on the first round and then I had shit to deal with. 

I honestly didn’t know how I could deal with anymore shit if it came my way today. 

But I was greeted and led to the waiting room and it was almost full. I swore the greeter told me there was ice cream in there, but I’m pretty sure I was hearing things. I sat in between a sniveling man in shorts and an old lady who was talking to herself. The old lady didn’t bother me, but the sniveling man was sick because he makes choices like wearing shorts when it’s 40 degrees. That bothers me.

This young woman came in with 2 children, a 1 year old and a 7 year old as she was blasting music out of her headphones. As they were walking in the sniveling man got a phone call and began happily chatting. Out of nowhere the 7 year old goes and stands directly next to the sniveling man who is now on the phone, and starts loudly singing. I’m not lying, it was so strange I let out a giggle.

As I’m watching this happen I notice the 1 year old wiggle out of her moms arms and waddle over to me and stands right in front of me. I look at her and other people are looking at me to see what I do. I wanted to shoo her away and say “get out my face baby”, but instead I say “hi” with a 😑 face. 

The baby mean-mugs the shit outta me-looks me up and down like I’m a 5 cent hooker at a 5 star hotel and then rolls her eyes as she walks away. 

That made me feel strange, like she called me a p.o.s in her head. Next time I see that baby we’re gonna have words.



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