Missing The Child You Haven’t Met Yet

My sister and I are the most goal oriented people that I know. It’s the way our dad molded us. 

If the girl in my class got two As I needed to go out and get 4. I needed to be better, faster, smarter, stronger.

As time went on in my life I realized that it’s okay to not be perfect at everything, but to do my best to excel in the areas that I can. And I do. I’m very strategic with my daily, weekly, and monthly schedules. Always coming up with a plan B, C, D, and at times E. 

No matter how much I plan or accomplish though, there’s always the one thing lurking over my head that hasn’t really fit into my plan just yet, but I want despartely.

First off, let me say that I love my life right now, it’s honestly the best it’s ever been. I love experiencing the gradual progression of going through life. It’s amazing to me.

Except….when other people get something or do something that I don’t have I find it very hard to not compare myself and question my life.

For an example, a friend of a friend of a friend had a baby and it made me wonder, where’s my baby? I don’t want one right now because I have this strategic magnificent plan in the works, but at the same time seeing other women have babies makes me hear my clock ticking just a bit louder.

Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock.

Am I the only woman experiencing this? I often times feel like the monkey on back is an adorable sweet baby. That monster under my bed is the fear of not completeing my “goal” of becoming a mommy. People always say in a shushing way, “it will happen when it will happen”. 

When has it become not okay to talk about our feelings and our insecurities? This society makes us push our innermost desires deep down inside of us as if it’s taboo to feel. I want to get the line of communication open and let other women know that I hear you, I feel you, and I understand you. 

It’s okay to talk about missing the child you haven’t met yet. It’s okay to feel.

 Drop me a comment and let me know what you think! 



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