The Dookie Run

Scenario: You just had the best Thai food you could ever have. 30 minutes later you feel a rumble in your stomach so you quickly, as in run, to the nearest bathroom. You’re on the verge of sharting in your pants, but thankfully you made it to the porcelain shrine. 

You relax and allow your body to take over. There’s tears in your eyes because you’re Thankful you saved yourself from the embarrassment of having to waddle  through the mall with crap dripping from your leg while you try to escape to your car. These are the moments that you know someone up above is looking out for you. It’s truly the simple things in life that pleases me.

After 15 minutes of explosions subside you know you’re ready to wipe and get out of there before one more child states, “ew it stinks in here”.

You reach over to your right to use some of their wholesale thin toilet paper when you realize you’ve encountered you’re worst nightmare.

There’s no toilet paper. It’s empty.

In that moment you have to make a very important decision, shake you’re butt and pull up your pants or make the Dookie run.

Being the lady that I am I refuse to spend the next hour walking around with my sister, smelling like shit. So I waited for the last few people to empty the restroom, held my pants with one hand, slightly opened my stall door, and when the coast was clear I did the Dookie run to the next stall.

The Dookie run consists of pulling up your pants as far as you can without touching your bottom, running as fast as you can, and praying that no one walks in to encounter this miserable experience.

Safe to say that I now always carry some napkins in my purse so that I never have to test my luck again. 

-M