So, the holidays are coming up. I’m not normally an anxious person but around this time every year I start to get anxiety.
When I was a kid, part of my family (myself included) moved across country. And though we moved back eventually, it’s just never been the same. From where we lived to the people that we celebrated with completely changed, every year. Now, I’m a big girl so i understand that things don’t always stay the same….but it just hasn’t FELT the same. There always seems to be something missing.
So every year around this time I find myself asking my friends “what are your plans?”, hoping that maybe they’ll be cooking, and that I’ll get an invite to pretend to be a part of someone’s family and feel that feeling. Every year it seems to work out and I end up bouncing around, but it’s always awkward. People I don’t know…food I don’t know. Memories that I have no part in, questions that I don’t know the answers to…
No. I don’t.
So this year I’m changing shit. I’m going to cook and be my own family. I have my memories and recipes and what else do I really need? No more anxiety and that feeling off loss. Im going to be thankful for the life ive lived and the year that I have had.