Ever since I was a little girl my mother always told me that I should NEVER leave the house with ugly, period stained, mismatched, beaten down, or just simply granny panties on. “You never know if you will get hit by a bus and then the hospital personal will see you with your ugly panties on!!!”, she would screech to me often. Well, I got to a certain point in my life where I wanted to rebel against all the norms and this included my momma’s panties rule!
It was my last Senior dance, I was Senior Class President, and I had no regard for anyone or anything (and this included my panties!). I showed up early to help setup with my bestfriend and wore big ol’ sweatpants, with my hair tied up, and rocking out the comando. After lackadasisically setting up the caferteria where the dance was to be held it was time to get dressed. My bestfriend and I ran to the bathroom with only 15 minutes to get ready. At the time I was a complete hooch and picked out this super tight, neon pink, and inapporpraite dress for a school dance. As I was searching through my duffle for my seamless panties I realized I completely forgot to pack them.
As cool as could be I said, “oh well let’s go dance!”. I threw on my dress and attempted to do my best “Tyra Banks” to the dance floor in 5″ heels. I felt like a bad mama jamma! The feeling only lasted so long as I tripped over the crumbly tile on the cafteria floor. It wasn’t a graceful fall either. Compare it to a child attempting to slide down a Slipe and Slide with no water to make them glide. Ah.
After my disgruntled penguin jive across the floor I stood up as fast as possible and wondered how many people got a sight of my…friend. I looked back and saw my bestfriend both in shock and wonder at how her 6’3″ neon wearing friend wasn’t spotted by a single person. I am as graceful as a drunken debutante with a broken ankle.
Let’s just say after that battle with the dance floor my momma was right. Ladies, always put your panties on and for momma’s sake please make sure they are cute!
Score: Momma – 1, M – 0
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