When you’re little people always ask you, “what do you want to be when you get older?” Other little kids I knew wanted to be doctors, basketball players, artists, first responders, or other ambitious professions. I never felt the calling to be anything normal. I wanted to be a mermaid.
I’m now in my early twenties and I still haven’t fulfilled my ambition to be a mermaid. People still ask me, “what do you want to be?”, and I just don’t understand why this question is still being asked. I’m currently going to school for nursing, but I don’t want to be a nurse. I honestly don’t know what I want to be. I do however know who I want to be.
We live in a society where your title amounts to your worth. For an example, if you’re a doctor you must be a great person, but if you’re a stripper you’re probably weak. We give the benefit of the doubt to the police office, but harass the old man sitting on a curb asking for change. The sad part is that we allow these titles to be masks to cover and hide the truth. If you took off your mask, your professional title, who would you be? Are you a nice person that loves on others? Are you a drunk that abuses your wife? We are so busy professionally developing ourselves that we don’t place any importance on developing our inner being.
We ask children who they want to be at a young age instead of asking them how they feel. I know a lot of my peers are freaking out trying to determine their next professional step, but right now I’m choosing to place the importance on my spirit. I’m sure in the next five years many of these people will have great careers and others may feel like they’re still missing the mark. If you have a career you love, go for it, but don’t forget to put the same amount of love back into yourself. I, however, am out of the rat race. I think my younger self was on to something. Why stuff yourself into a small box and make your happiness dependent on your mask? I haven’t yet found a career that nourished both my professional desires and spiritual necessities. Till then I’ll be working on me.
When I grow up I want to be filled with more joy than I am today.